Paisley is a sophisticated pattern for a modern woman on the go. And by modern woman on the go I mean leisurely lady of a certain age moving at a languid pace. It’s a bold pattern, but also a slightly confusing one because it’s very loud and yet somehow also rather staid. This contradiction makes it perfect for the ladies-who-lunch set. Such women, while appearing cosmopolitan, tend to be among the most rambunctious creatures to be found among those who lunch on a professional basis. Try not to get between them and their dressing on the side lest you find yourself with a paisley clad elbow to the face.



Chevrons are like little arrows pointing north and south simultaneously. They remind you that no matter which path you take in this life, it will always be full of regrets. There is no way to win, but with a kicky pattern and a cute belt, at least you’ll look good while wallowing in a string of inevitable failures.



Tears are liquid sadness, and yet a teardrop pattern, while more melancholy than a polka-dot, is nevertheless more upbeat than one might imagine. The pattern seems to be falling, but perhaps also rising. It oozes and seems malleable but also contains hidden depths. It’s a great pattern for a day dress that showcases your enigmatic personality.



You can’t beat damask when it comes to fanciness factor. If you’re throwing a high-end dinner party, be sure to decorate your dining room with damask wallpaper, and damask drapes, and a damask tablecloth, and wear damask too, from head to toe. Peak damask is peak fancy shmancy. But don’t mess with damask, or damask will mess with you, and by that I mean I’ve said the word damask so many times now that I don’t even know what reality is anymore. DAMASK!



Being a smart woman who knows what she wants in today’s world means being aggressive and unafraid, passionate and driven. What better way to express such animalistic yearnings than by wearing an animal print? My favourite is leopard but feel free to experiment with zebra, tiger, crocodile, or heck, even giraffe! Any animal print will convey the idea that you’re a wild and sassy go-getter! But if you’re wearing the actual skin/fur of an actual animal, well, that conveys an entirely different message that will arouse a variety of reactions, depending on context and the people you surround yourself with. I’d say in today’s cultural climate it’s only safe to wear, say, baby seal fur if you’re in the actual arctic, living off the land and such.