Teardrop

Tears are liquid sadness, and yet a teardrop pattern, while more melancholy than a polka-dot, is nevertheless more upbeat than one might imagine. The pattern seems to be falling, but perhaps also rising. It oozes and seems malleable but also contains hidden depths. It’s a great pattern for a day dress that showcases your enigmatic personality.

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Damask

You can’t beat damask when it comes to fanciness factor. If you’re throwing a high-end dinner party, be sure to decorate your dining room with damask wallpaper, and damask drapes, and a damask tablecloth, and wear damask too, from head to toe. Peak damask is peak fancy shmancy. But don’t mess with damask, or damask will mess with you, and by that I mean I’ve said the word damask so many times now that I don’t even know what reality is anymore. DAMASK!

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Leopard

Being a smart woman who knows what she wants in today’s world means being aggressive and unafraid, passionate and driven. What better way to express such animalistic yearnings than by wearing an animal print? My favourite is leopard but feel free to experiment with zebra, tiger, crocodile, or heck, even giraffe! Any animal print will convey the idea that you’re a wild and sassy go-getter! But if you’re wearing the actual skin/fur of an actual animal, well, that conveys an entirely different message that will arouse a variety of reactions, depending on context and the people you surround yourself with. I’d say in today’s cultural climate it’s only safe to wear, say, baby seal fur if you’re in the actual arctic, living off the land and such.

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Floral

Florals are feminine and flirty, and will make you seem both friendly and fancy. Indeed, floral is the perfect pattern to wear when executing a devilish deed, as no one would suspect the lady in the flowered dress. The show Marvel: Agents of Shield even played with this stereotype by having a villain named “lady in the flower dress”. So whether you’re working for a major corporation or simply doing your groceries, feel free to commit fraud or sneak a jar of olives into your handbag, as you’re sure to get away with it.

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Stripes

You can never go wrong with a stripe. Stripes are orderly and practical. They’re a good way to wear a pattern without fear of overdoing it, or drawing focus. Horizontal stripes are a classic, and many fear the vertical, but pinstripes are timeless and elegant. Gender-neutral and casual without being sloppy, stripes keep you on the level, and keep you in line.

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