Purple

Purple is the colour of royalty because it is rare in nature and was once quite expensive to create as a dye. It evokes luxury and decadence, and therefore also pomposity and conceit. During the Roman era, Emperors wore purple. There is a similar association in Japan, where the colour is linked to wealth and position. I wouldn’t say I feel particular opulent when wearing purple, but now that I think of it, it’s not really a colour that can fade into the background, the way some other colours on the cool end of the spectrum can.

purple-board1

I’ve learned it’s a rather divisive colour, and people either love it or hate it. It’s difficult for me, as someone who loves all colours, to understand anyone hating a particular hue, but I have a coworker who absolutely despises purple, to the point where it’s practically one of her defining characteristics, which is perhaps ironic since she’s the most “blingy” person I know.

purple-board2

Purple is also considered a girly colour nowadays, I guess because of lavender and violet’s proximity to pink. But this is sort of weird, since purple is equal parts red and blue, so it could just as easily be labelled a masculine colour. Whatever, modern toy marketers, your gender biases are arbitrary and detrimental. That having been said, my favourite pony is Twilight Sparkle, but that’s not because of her colour scheme.

purple-board3

When I was a child we had a lilac tree in our front yard. There was something very romantic about that tree to me, and it made me feel like I belonged in the same world as Anne of Green Gables. Unfortunately this feeling was always brief, since the tree’s bloom only lasted a few weeks, but perhaps its ephemeral nature was part of the appeal.

May 28, 1991

I am so tired I could die. I wrote this in English class and am now transferring it to my diary. We did the Endurance run today. 2nd period and boy am I tired. Even now that it’s 4th period I’m still tired. At least I’m not sweating like was in ITT (3rd period). I walked a lot of it but still we had to go around 6 times. I finished after the bell rang. It was pretty embarrassing. I collapsed when I was done and started crying ’cause I couldn’t take it. And I’m not even sure how many times I went around.

                                           I vividly remember this. I’ve even written about it before on this blog, without realizing a first-hand account lay hidden within the pages of my old diary.

I often wish I wasn’t anemic. I wish I had energy and I wish I was a fast runner and good in sports and an all around good athlete. I wish I didn’t get eye infections. I really wish I had 20/20 vision. Sometimes I wish my skin wasn’t so pale (but sometimes I like it because it makes me different). I wish I was pretty. I wish my fat was in the right places (ahem). I wish I wasn’t so shy. I wish boys liked me. But I like myself, if I had the chance (except for having 20/20 vision and not being fat, I’d stay the same except for the skin rashes).

                                         This last part was scratched out and then rewritten elsewhere on the page. I can’t tell what I’d originally written. But I can tell you that none of those wishes ever came true. My sight began to weaken when I was about four years old; too young to be able to express what was going on. My mother thought I was going crazy because I told her I could see angels. Turns out I was trying to tell her I could see halos, i.e. lens flares. Eventually she figured it out and brought me to an optometrist and I got glasses. My sight continued to deteriorate so I had to get new glasses every year. When I was about ten I got contacts and when I was fourteen or fifteen I got my first eye infection so it was back to the glasses. I finally sought out eye surgery when I was thirty-three, but my vision was too poor to be a candidate for lasik so I got intraocular lens implant surgery, which is a whole other story for another time. The skin rash I refer to is eczema, and that also merits its own post because it relates to my distrust of doctors.

What I really wish is that I lived in a place just like Star Trek: The Next Generation. With all the people, just like in the show. But I’d settle for being a regular on the show. Oh life is so depressing! If they do the Endurance run at BHS I will try to get out of it somehow!

                                         I was obsessed with TNG, and I fantasized about living on the Enterprise all the time, but I was also realistic enough to know such a thing could never be, so in an effort to make my fantasies more attainable I fantasized about being an actor on the show. So, about 1% more attainable. Really, I just wanted any escape from my life, but it would take at least another decade for me to learn that I really wanted to escape myself, and still another decade to learn that what I actually needed was self-acceptance. The good news is that my next school, BHS, did not, in fact, enforce the endurance run.