Tropical

As the weather gets colder, fool yourself into believing it’s still summer by wearing a tropical print. Flowers, palm fronds, and exotic birds will help you feel warm and cozy, even as your delusion leads to shivers, and eventually, frostbite. But at least you’ll look good. Actually, you’ll probably look like an idiot. You’ll be like one of those club kids who go out in the middle of February without a coat on because they don’t want to pay for coat check but are perfectly willing to pay astronomical prices for watered down drinks. Don’t be a club kid. Just wear a damn coat!

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Scallop

Scallop evokes the scales of a fish, or perhaps an enchanting mermaid. Deploy your scallop in a bright colour, or even multiple colours – an ombre is ideal – in order to maximize your mesmerizing moments of magistery. If anyone mistakes you for a mythical creature while in such a state, simply tell them to bring you a lump of coal, which you’ll turn into gold, and then, when their back is turned, jump into the nearest body of water and swim away, as wearing scallop will undoubtedly turn you into a mermaid for realsies.*

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*I can’t fully confirm this to be true as I don’t actually own anything in scallop.

Paisley

Paisley is a sophisticated pattern for a modern woman on the go. And by modern woman on the go I mean leisurely lady of a certain age moving at a languid pace. It’s a bold pattern, but also a slightly confusing one because it’s very loud and yet somehow also rather staid. This contradiction makes it perfect for the ladies-who-lunch set. Such women, while appearing cosmopolitan, tend to be among the most rambunctious creatures to be found among those who lunch on a professional basis. Try not to get between them and their dressing on the side lest you find yourself with a paisley clad elbow to the face.

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