White

White’s not my jam. I’m about two shades paler than transparent so wearing white makes me look like a ghost. In fact, I’ve quite effectively worn lacy white dresses and a white wig a couple times for Halloween and successfully passed as a Victorian ghost, without needing to apply whitening makeup. For this reason I have very little white in my wardrobe. I don’t mind it as an accent in an outfit but I’ll never wear something that is dominantly white. That having been said, a couple years ago I had to go to a white party for work, so I went to a thrift store and got a white cardigan to wear over the one white tank top I own, which I paired with a skirt that is the closest to white that I’ve got, to make the outfit you see below (but IRL I refrained from collapsing in the snow). To my surprise I didn’t look entirely horrible. But white will never be my go-to, perhaps in part because of what it represents.

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White symbolizes purity, innocence, and cleanliness. It is the opposite of black: in light it is all colours, in pigment it is none. White is a blank slate, an empty canvas. While black is the colour of death and mourning in western culture, in other cultures white fills this role, due to the idea of death being the beginning of a new life, of renewal. In western culture white is worn by brides because of its association to sexual purity, which is a rather gross and outdated concept. This regressive and oppressive attitude towards women is actually one of the reasons I resist the idea of marriage, though also one of the only reasons I ever would tie the knot: simply so I could wear something garishly colourful as a bride.

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The other situation where a white wardrobe is mandatory is in a clinical setting, where researchers and medical professionals wear white lab coats. This makes sense, as white evokes the feeling of hygiene and transparency, and it will highlight stains, forcing clinicians to stay clean. There was once an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation where doctors wore red for surgery and I remember thinking how silly this was. Today surgeons wear green or blue because this colour is the opposite of red, i.e. the colour of blood. Of course, in the TNG future, no blood would be spilled during surgery, but red still seems like the least intuitive colour for surgeons to wear, and others agree with me. In any case my initial point was that red is in no way a hygienic colour, whereas white is. White is THE colour of hygiene.

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So rock on, white. I’ll never want to wear you, but I will continue to insist on doctors wearing crisp, freshly laundered white coats. Doctors are assholes, (and one day I’ll write an epic rant about my life-long distrust of medical professionals) but at least the semblance of a uniform keeps them from entirely forgetting that they are meant to serve the people, and not the other way around.

Grey

Grey is a mist slowly crawling along an urban landscape. Concrete and metal skyscrapers disappearing in the descending fog.

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It is cool and unemotional, sitting on the fence, neither black nor white, good nor bad. It reminds us that nothing is absolute, there is nuance in everything, and one must usually compromise or else end up unsatisfied. Of course, even with compromise one is usually unsatisfied, which is the inevitability of grey.

 

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Grey serves the same purpose in a wardrobe, to tie colours together without the boldness of black or the pretentious innocence of white. It is a safe neutral (as opposed to brown, which can be contentious), cool but not cold, reliable, dignified, and utterly inoffensive. It can be boring, but is not necessarily so.

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I have always veered more towards silver than gold, as it seems the less ostentatious, but equally striking metal. There is power in a grey metallic, but also an ease. There is no glamour in grey, but silver can sizzle. Wear both grey and silver with pride, knowing that you are setting the stage for other colours to shine, as this is grey’s ultimate purpose: to fade into the background, and let others take the limelight.

Black

In light, black is the absence of colour. In pigment, it’s all colours mixed together. Either way black represents space, the infinite, never-ending, all-encompassing. It is dark and mysterious, and symbolizes mourning and evil in Western cultures. In clothing, an all-black outfit can be goth or elegant, depending on styling. Black is the easiest neutral to work with because it goes with absolutely everything. It is safe, and no-fault, while simultaneously evoking power and sophistication.

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I tend to gravitate towards colour more than neutrals but obviously neutrals have their place in any wardrobe, and I certainly have more black than any other neutral, as most people probably do. I used to shun black because I’m so pale and I worried that it would make me look sickly but I’ve been assured that I look good in this darkest of shades, and so have allowed more black to creep into my closet. I’m still hesitant to fully embrace it though and will never wear an outfit that is entirely black, as it’s just not me. I will also admit that I find relying on black too heavily rather paradoxically comes across as lazy, or try-hard, again depending on styling. Not that I’m anti-goth mind you. I’ve always loved the goth style, because it’s so deliberate and directed. I love it when anyone fully commits to a look, regardless of what that look is. I even dyed my (naturally blonde) hair black once, in an effort to be more edgy, and let’s just say I soon learned the pain of bleach, because that was one hair colour I could not pull off.

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I will say though, that I’m quite glad we’ve reached a place in electronics where black is the default, rather than beige. Yes, I’m old enough to remember when all computers were beige for some reason. I’ve also discovered, while putting together my black colour boards, that black is pretty ubiquitous in workout gear as well. I guess it’s just not manly to lift in any other colour.

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But when it comes to accessories, and home decor, you can’t go wrong with black. Many interior designers will say that every room needs a bit of black to anchor the space. I don’t disagree. While I veer towards bright colours in my home as well as my wardrobe, I like dark accents, and have decorated my condo thusly. Black is classic, but equally modern. Let’s face it, if all the colours were to fight for dominance, black would win.

Brown

Brown is a neutral, and in terms of pigment can be created by mixing two complementary colours. I usually make brown by mixing red and green, so brown is like Christmas, in that you take the shiny, apparently joyful aspects of the holiday, and mix them together to end up with absolute shit.

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I kid, I don’t hate Christmas nor brown. Black gets all the love in terms of popular neutrals, but brown is underrated. Brown can be quite serviceable when you need a neutral to break up an outfit but feel that black would be too harsh. Brown is much warmer than both black and white, and grey for that matter. I find brown to be particularly effective with blue, and it can also work nicely with pink, but it’s probably best to keep it away from orange, lest you look too ’70s, unless that’s what you’re going for, and if it is, respect.

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When I was conceiving of my brown colour boards I thought I would struggle to find brown objects around the house, believing that since I love colour so much, it’d be hard to find much of the neutral. But brown is everywhere. I’ve got way more brown shoes than any other colour, and plenty of brown fabrics, and trinkets, and furniture. Brown is everywhere! Though curiously, as I was scouting the outside world I found that trees, at least in Montreal, actually appear more grey than the stereotypical brown. Still, brown is associated with nature, just as green is, because it’s the colour of wood (supposedly?) and dirt, and the aforementioned shit. And even though it’s also the colour of chocolate, a lot of people dislike brown. I know a few people who are so anti-brown that I actually feel weird wearing it in front of them. But ultimately their hate is their problem, not mine, so I shall wear brown proudly and shake my brown-clad butt in their faces if they don’t like it!

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