Feeling oppressed by the confines of your office on a beautiful day? The solution is simply to stare out the window longingly, dreaming of the weekend, which will come and go too soon, without having been fully enjoyed, as you were still stressed out about that big project that’s due on Monday. All of this longing and regret is best done in a floral pattern, as it will further emphasize how far away from nature you are, in your office on the 23rd floor. Unless of course your office is in the basement, or in a cubicle somewhere, and you don’t even have a window to stare out of, in which case, maybe an animal print will serve you best, to remind you that truly, you are caged, and will never again be free.
A good way to avoid going back to your desk after the unbridled freedom of a long lunch hour is to repeatedly ride the elevator up and down, silently evaluating the decisions that brought you to this point in life. Do so in style with a printed, peter pan collared top, and sleek black trousers. A pop of hot pink in the form of a kicky heel will remind you that you are capable of making good decisions sometimes.
Wear all the patterns! Rocking an outfit involving joy and whimsy is the only way to combat the soul crushing ennui of designing the horrors demanded by your artistically bereft clients.
When doing data entry in an office whose air conditioning is perpetually set to “old man” level (which stands to reason since middle-aged men are the default and anyone not fitting that standard deserves to be “othered”) a jaunty scarf worn ’round your shoulders can help to fight off the inevitable frostbite that threatens your fast flying fingers. A black, yet stretchy, pencil skirt and sweater will keep you office-appropriate while whimsically patterned tights will allow you to pretend you’re expressing yourself, and not fully succumbing to the all-encompassing pressure to leave your significant potential untapped.